


tuesday means we shouldn't have to worry, at least not too much

by majesdane



Category: Skins (UK)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-01
Updated: 2009-06-01
Packaged: 2017-12-06 09:33:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/734184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/majesdane/pseuds/majesdane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>There are three things Katie knows for sure.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	tuesday means we shouldn't have to worry, at least not too much

  
They were holding hands at the front door.

I should have known. She always was weird. She always was different. She always was contrary.  
She always did what she shouldn't. She was always a bit too feminist.

They were holding hands at the front door, where any neighbor could see, and then I saw Robin  
Goodman lean my sister gently into the hedge, back against the branches of it, she was so gentle  
and -- and kiss her. I didn't think my sister was maybe going to be one of them and have such  
a terrible life with no real love in it.

My little sister is going to have a terrible sad life.

\-- _Girl Meets Boy_ , Ali Smith

 

 

 

There are three things that Katie knows for sure.

The first is that she hates Effy Stonem. It stems from more than just being hit over the head with a rock, though that in itself is enough to send a spark of anger licking across her heart. The whole hatred thing is in layers, starting with Katie's disgust for Cook (and everything she associates him with, which includes Effy) and ending somewhere in where Freddie fucked Effy while she, Katie, was lying half dead somewhere in the woods. The _idea_ of Effy is probably the one thing she doesn't hate; the way Effy always manages such a cool demeanor, how she's just so good at not even giving a fucking (or, at least, pretending).

It's admirable, almost, though the thought of that leaves a bitter taste in Katie's mouth.

The second thing she's sure of is that she hates Naomi Campbell, though she doesn't know quite know when that started. She's pretty sure it was right around the time when she discovered Emily snogging her in the backyard during some party, the summer all three of them turning fifteen.

Naomi, with her bitchy, know-it-all attitude, with the way she had to argue _everything_ in politics class, as if anyone but her actually gave a fuck. Katie didn't even know what Emily _saw_ in her, because as far as she was concerned, Naomi was, and always would be, a fucking cunt -- one who stole her sister away and didn't even care that Emily's heart was in her hands.

Until she did, and showed up at the Love Ball and made Katie look like a right idiot.

Thirdly, she knows that Emily is stupidly in love with her, Naomi _fucking_ Campbell, and there's the strong possibility that the feeling is mutual.

She sees them one time, kissing on the doorstep -- right in plain daylight where anyone could see, Katie thinks, annoyed -- and it's just, like, shocking, the way they're kissing, the way Emily's hands are around Naomi's neck, the way she's standing on tiptoe, the way Naomi's hands are on Emily's hips. It's all so . . . gentle. And then they pull away and Emily looks so fucking _happy_ , more so than Katie can ever remember her looking, and it nearly kills her, the look on Emily's face. And it's all reflected on Naomi's face, which just makes it worse, Katie thinks, before she walks up and interrupts them by loudly clearing her throat.

If they didn't look so goddamn happy together, she'd probably feel better about hating Naomi.

 

;;

 

She asks Emily, once, what it's like, and Emily stares at her blankly for a second before asking, "You mean what it's like to be with a girl?"

It's not what Katie's asking about, but she says, "Yeah, sure."

Emily describes it in such a way which just makes Katie think of just how hard her sister's fallen; Emily talks how girls are more gentle, softer. And then she starts talking about things that Katie doesn't want to hear, things she didn't even ask about, like about how Emily feels when she wakes up in the morning, her chest all tight, like her heart's grown too big, and how the loneliness she feels in the absence of Naomi is stronger than anything else.

It's too much; Katie tells her this, manages to say it an incredibly annoyed tone, how she wishes Emily would just stop babbling because it's making her feel ill, hearing her go on so about Naomi. Emily frowns and flips her off with two fingers, but at least she shuts up about it.

 

;;

 

Katie thinks about it, sometimes, what Emily said, wonders if Naomi feels like that too. And sometimes she wonders who else feels like that, if maybe even that bitch Effy Stonem has felt that kind of love before, just completely overwhelming, and that's why she says and does incredibly stupid things like fucking Freddie and then running off with Cook.

She would almost feel sorry for Effy, she thinks, if Effy hadn't managed to fuck up everyone else's life in the process.

Mostly she just feels sorry for Emily, though, and to a grudging degree, Naomi. She thinks about the things she used to say about Naomi, the things she said _to_ Naomi, how all of that time Emily kept quiet, probably blaming and hating herself. And okay, maybe Naomi deserved some of it, and it wasn't like she took it all lying down, but Katie can't help but feel a tiny pang of retroactive guilt.

And okay, maybe for now things are just great and it's like they're living some sort of lesbian fairy-tale or whatever, but it won't last. Not for long, anyway. It just can't; she can't even list the number of reasons why it can't, except at the top of the list is their parents, and she doesn't know if Naomi and Emily be able to get past that.

Except, sometimes she thinks maybe they will, thinks that maybe sometimes it _can_ last, when she reluctantly accepts Emily's invitation to come out with her and Naomi, in a lame attempt to get them to be like, friends -- or at least stop hating each other so much -- and she sees the way Naomi glares down anyone who looks at them twice, when they walk down the street holding hands. And Christ, Naomi can be just so damn strong-willed and persistent and so un-willing to lose; maybe it won't be as hard as Katie thinks it will be.

 

;;

 

"Thank you," Emily says one evening, coming into the bathroom where Katie's brushing her teeth. "I mean, thank you for trying. With Naomi. It means a lot to me."

"Yeah, well," Katie spits her mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, rinses her brush off. "I'm only doing it because I'm your sister. Don't start thinking that I like, care about Naomi or anything like that."

"Of course not," Emily says, smiling, and kisses Katie on the cheek.

 

;;

 

And then Emily mentions once, in a quiet, desperate way, like she's been holding it in for too long, about how sometimes it feels like everything is on the verge of breaking, like tomorrow they'll wake up and everything will have fallen apart.

It's crippling sometimes, Emily says, this feeling that just overwhelms her, makes her unable to breathe.

Katie crawls into bed with her, hugs her tightly, strokes her hair, tells Emily that everything's going to be alright, even though she doesn't know that for sure. She's never felt like Emily has, at least not in the context of love, but she does her best to listen, for once, and stays with Emily until she falls asleep.

In her own bed, she can't sleep.

 

;;

 

One time her and Naomi end up alone outside Caffè Nero together, while Emily's off in the bathroom.

There's still some animosity between them and it's horribly obvious, Katie thinks, especially when Naomi digs around in her ridiculous over-sized back, draws out a half-empty pack of fags and a lighter, just stands there smoking and not even saying a word. Just stands there all silent and cold, like Katie's not right there next to her.

"Not that I like, care or whatever," Katie says, because well, she thinks that she needs to say this at _some_ point, "but you're, well. Good for her."

"Thanks," Naomi says, sounding very surprised, like she almost can't believe that Katie's speaking to her without prompting from Emily, and that, on top of that, it's not just some thinly-veiled insult.

"Yeah, so like, don't fuck it up, okay?" Katie tells her, and Naomi nods just as Emily comes out of the shop and kisses Naomi quickly, threading their fingers together.

 

;;

 

She wonders what would happen if one day everything _did_ fall apart, thinks she probably wouldn't be able to bear the look on Emily's face.

 

;;

 

Katie says to her, again, "Everything's going to be alright, you know."

 

;;

 

There are three things that Katie knows for sure.

The first is that she doesn't like Naomi Campbell. She doesn't hate her, not anymore, because she makes Emily happy. But she still can't bring herself to like her any more beyond that. And she's okay with that, because if Naomi ever breaks Emily's heart, she wants to be able to slap Naomi in the face without feeling guilty.

The second is that her sister's more of a mess than she is, even if it seems like on the outside that she's got it all together. And she wishes that she could say something to Emily, who sometimes looks like she's going to burst from too much happiness and sometimes looks like she's going to cry, because this could all end one day. But she doesn't know what to say except to reassure her that things will be okay, that Naomi loves her, that she will keep on loving her.

(She thinks that those things should help, what she says, because at least two of them are true.)

Thirdly, Katie knows that her sister and stupid Naomi Campbell are possibly the most stupidly in love people she's ever known, and it's a mix between being beautiful and inspiring and just down right nauseating and pathetic, but she doesn't ever want that to change.


End file.
